Are you looking for Matt Perryman’s writing portfolio?
If you’re reading this, you’ve most likely asked Matt (that’s me) if you can see samples of his writing.
I’ve got good news and bad news.
Bad news first:
There are NO writing samples on this page.
The good news: You didn’t get “catfished”.
This isn’t a traditional portfolio.
But before you close this tab in disgust, let me explain why you might want to keep reading. Because, samples or no…
Reading this page will either convince you to hire me outright, or else leave with the confidence that we aren’t a good fit
My time and energy are by far the most valuable things in my life. We can play the “show me samples” dance…
… or we can get to the truth, get our needs on the table, and make a decision.
(Bonus: paying attention to how I do it could, by itself, save you beau-coup time, frustration, and money in your present and future hiring process.)
Big promises, I know.
Who does this guy Matt Perryman think he is?
I’m Matt Perryman, if that wasn’t already settled before.
I’m a writer-for-hire, a “freelancer” as some call it, specializing in two things:
1) Email marketing with personality-driven emails.
2) Content marketing with fun and captivating articles.
Many years ago I worked in the fitness world, where I built a modest but loyal readership in the long-ago days of forums and blogs. For a few years I disappeared into academia while I earned my PhD. Then 2020 happened and, locked up at home like everyone else, I hung out my shingle as a mercenary writer.
Don’t let the academic background fool you. My approach to writing, whether emails or article content, puts the the reader first.
Good writing resonates with the person you want to reach
Good writing “enters the conversation already going on inside their head”, as Robert Collier put it.
I don’t do boring jargon, dry lists of facts, or the kind of corpo-speak that makes business writing intolerable.
Here’s a little of that social proof that internet readers enjoy. These are reviews from my book Squat Every Day that I wrote in my days in the fitness world:
What about the technical stuff and logistics, like following your instructions, delivering on time to spec, and checking the boxes on your SOPs for researching, writing, and editing?
Look, I’ve got a PhD in philosophy. I’ve tackled Plato, Aristotle, Kant, Wittgenstein, and Heidegger on a level most people could never approach. I’ve taught and lectured these ideas to students.
Your SEO checklist will not be the one thing that finally puts my abilities to the test.
(Hint: You want to know if I can do on-page SEO for an article? Run your SEO tool on this page and see what you get. I demonstrate my skill in real time.)
So why do I steadfastly refuse to pony up a few samples?
Here’s three reasons why I refuse on principle to offer generic writing samples when meeting prospective clients.
Reason 1 – Generic writing samples mean nothing to you
These job descriptions that ask for 3 writing samples (it’s ALWAYS three) are a terrible way to find and select talent.
Three (or five or twenty) generic samples tell you jack and squat about:
1) What I am capable of writing
2) How fast and efficiently I can write it, or
3) My ability to consistently deliver quality work to a deadline.
I’ve hired freelancers. I get it, you just want the job done, good enough, and on time.
Samples are at best a proxy indicator, and it’s never the best-case.
In most real world cases, samples send a false signal of competence. Spend a day reviewing job applications on Upwork and you’ll learn this fast. The quick story is that…
Writing samples show you nothing useful about my skills, abilities, work ethic, character, or even about your own job needs.
What you’re really after is some feeling for me and the work I can create for you.
You want to be sure this guy is capable of doing the work… that he’ll actually do it… and that he can do it to a deadline (without ghosting you).
Let’s turn the table around and consider it from my perspective as the writer who, ideally, solves your problem.
I don’t know what you need. I don’t know how sophisticated you are as a “buyer” of services.
Do you even need what you SAY you need, or are you coming up with a scheme you picked up from some influencer on Instagram last week?
I have no idea. I can’t be sure I can trust what you’re telling me about the job requirements.
But here you are asking me to “prove” I’m able to work to your standards…
… When I don’t even know what they are or why you believe your plan is the right course of action.
I don’t say that to put your honor in question.
The mechanic working on your car isn’t going to take your word for what’s wrong… or let you tell him how to do his job.
He’s going to ask you questions, look at the car, dig around under the hood, and diagnose the problem.
You’re asking to see samples of my work when I have NO IDEA of what specific problem you need solved or whether I can solve it.
You don’t know if I can help you. I don’t know if I can help you. We haven’t gotten far enough to figure that out.
Before you ask to see writing samples, consider questions like this:
- What exactly are you interested in seeing?
- Is there some particular thing you hope to see in generic samples?
- What can I show you when you yourself aren’t explicit about your needs or criteria?
I could fire some coal into ChatGPT and spin up a few 3000-word writing samples.
Will that convince you of my competence?
If you can’t tell me what you want, need, hope, or wish to see, there’s no purpose in coughing up writing samples for you.
Reason 2 – Asking for samples avoids the real question on your mind
There’s this dance that hiring managers go through with freelancers.
You, the hiring person, post a job description with the most boring, obscure, abstract jargon ever forged in the 9th circle of MBA Hell.
Me, the person who wants to eat and make the mortgage this month, has to decipher this alien language and cast an enchantment that I hope will open the magic door.
What is missing from this process?
Neither one of us has any idea if we’ll work well together, or if I can actually help you with the REAL problem on your mind.
Frankly I don’t even say this to persuade you to hire me. Whether you hire or somebody else or nobody, the cold truth is…
The corpo-speak boilerplate in most job descriptions is terrible FOR YOU as the hiring manager.
Obscure “inside baseball” jargon and bizarrely-specific conditions may help screen out low-quality bottom of the barrel applicants, but the cost to you is a total disconnection from the person you’re bringing in.
The real problem that you’re looking to solve has nothing to do with “meeting quarterly KPIs to the standards in the TPS report” or whatever inhuman nonsense is peddled as “communication”.
I’m talking about the actual problem causing your daily “toothache”.
What is the problem that, if I solve it for you, would make your day buttery-smooth and pain-free?
I challenge you to explain, in a few clear and concise sentences, exactly how spot-checking a few generic writing samples will help you decide how and who is the best choice to solve it.
Maybe you can do that. I’ll hear you out.
But if you can’t, then why are you doing it?
Reason 3 – Showing off a few samples doesn’t get any closer to solving your problem
The only reason you buy a drill is because you need a hole.
And you need a hole because of something the hole will get you.
There’s a “burr in your shoe” that you need to eliminate.
Until we get to clarity on exactly what and where that burr is and what I might be able to do about it, we’re burning up time.
I don’t mean to be a bear about this, but I’m flogging the point over and over for good reason. This hiring ritual where you ask to see samples and weigh your decision based on whether you like or don’t like what you see?
It’s pointless.
It wastes your time and the time of everyone who applies for the job.
It brings you no closer to hiring the right person.
You’re asking me to jump through your hoops and we both lose.
The only thing you might learn is that the applicant is resourceful enough to find, write, or (more likely)…
Ask the LLM to spin up a few samples that have nothing to do with YOUR specific problem and needs
It’s inefficient, ineffective, and wasteful.
For all these reasons, my bottom line is…
I refuse to provide writing samples on principle.
If that’s a deal breaker and you can’t or won’t work that way?
GOOD.
Since we’re getting truth on the table, I don’t work with micro-managers, bean-counting bureaucrats that rule by spreadsheet, and Type A authoritarians that confuse bullying with competence.
Now we know where we stand.
I wrote this article with just enough obnoxiousness to run off the worst kinds of humorless business-drones.
If you made it this far, there’s a decent chance you’re a real human being who I can work with.
With all of the above in mind, you may rightly want to ask:
“How do I know I can trust this guy?”
You can trust me for the same reason you could trust any “unknown” who showed up at your door with a bag o’ writing samples.
Here’s why.
Item 1 – The first job is on me. You’re under no obligation to pay me any up front fees for the first “coffee date”.
I walk my talk. If I expect you to trust me, I intend to be trustworthy. I happily take on all the risk and make this a “no-headaches” option for you.
💡 Note: While you will not receive a 3,000 word in-depth article on a first-run trial basis, if you are the kind of client I want to work with — and you don’t give me “flake” or psychopath vibes — I will 100% give you first job at no up-front fee. You only pay me if you’re satisfied and want to continue the relationship.
As for Item 2?
Prepare yourself.
If you really, absolutely, positively MUST see an example of how Matt Perryman can write a persuasive long-form article…
You will find no finer sample of my work than this page that you’ve almost finished reading.
I told you this wasn’t a catfish.
What’s better than giving you a selection of writing samples?
Demonstrating my abilities first-hand.
At this point, you’re having a good time reading this and can’t wait to work with this funny SOB…
…or you hate my guts with the fire of 100 suns.
Regardless…
This is the point where I nudge you to make a decision.
If you’re a solo outfit or small business (up to $10 million annual sales) looking for help with either…
1) Writing fun, readable articles for your brand- and authority-building content marketing, or
2) Cooking up “infotaining” personality-based emails to build your brand and your revenue
…and you’re the quality and character of person I will work with…
…then I’d love to talk to you about working together.
Are you in, or are you out?
I’m giving you permission to make that decision.
If it’s a No from you, then thanks for stopping by and I hope you find what you need.
If it’s a Yes, then let’s have a no-stress “coffee chat” about what I might could do for you.
Here’s what to do:
1) Send an email to “[email protected]”
2) Use the subject line “Write For Me” (make sure you use that line that exactly, capital letters and all, or my filter won’t catch it).
3) In the body of the email, write 2-3 sentences telling me about your content- or email-marketing project and why you’d like me to help you.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
Matt Perryman
P.S. If you still aren’t sure after all that, then what is wrong with… I mean, you might want to see what I’m up to on my email list, where I tinker with ideas, offer up new concepts, and make exclusive offers that I won’t post about anywhere else.
Use this link if you’re interested: